one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
