Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize