Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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