Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
