i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
