is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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