we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
