we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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