The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
