Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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