I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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