Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
