It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
