Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
