Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
