I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
too bad you live with your parents still
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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