my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Randomize
