Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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