happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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