I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
