I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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