I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
