Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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