there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
