I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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