Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize