his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
