yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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