I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
