I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
