one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
