from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
