Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
