you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
