Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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