foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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