TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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