I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
