My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
