plz talk dirty to me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
