What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
