If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
