Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
