Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
