someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
