I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
