She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize