Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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