woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
