my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
