When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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