the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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