She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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