Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
