someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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