i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize