The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
