I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize