And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize