I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
