Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
