we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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