you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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