i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize